your parents love me but you hate me
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
my poor anus
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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