Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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