Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
