How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
