you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
