he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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