a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just sucked dick on a ferry
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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