It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
