sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
