Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
