How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
