need another drink. this is the easiest way
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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