He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
