I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
