I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
