I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
