Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Sext me about skeletons
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
