I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
