She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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