i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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