I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
