I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
