It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
