I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
