are you so shy because you have an std?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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