I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
