if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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