She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
