i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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