Soap is not a condiment
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
