i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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