I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I am spending my child support on dildos
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize