I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
