I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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