So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
