this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
