matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
