First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize