I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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