i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
