exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
jump out the window naked night went bad
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
