what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
