I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
What drink are we having for lunch?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
