her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
