I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
