So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
