she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
