i permit you to call me
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we made out on top of his cat.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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