TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
