well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
