the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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