Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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