sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
