Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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