yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
