i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
