How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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