I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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