Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
