Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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