She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
