the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
