I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize