I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
