I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
