I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
