u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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