Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You can't motorboat a personality
My underwear smells like fireworks.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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