I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
