I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
