Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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