you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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