There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
