The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
