dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
