she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
