i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
