he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
