Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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