glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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