I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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