I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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