He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
