im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
