Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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