I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
