help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
