Will you blow on my dice?
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
