well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
