I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
